Throwback Thursday + Wedding Prep

Me and my mother 

For today's Throwback Thursday post, I wanted to have a picture of me and my mum! Judging by all the red we are both wearing, I'm guessing this picture was taken at my grandparents house over the Christmas holidays. The doll I'm holding must have been a freshly opened gift I imagine! 

I was very lucky to have my mum drive up from Kingston yesterday morning to spend a few hours here in Ottawa with me and Ryan. After she arrived, we had some tea and chatted a bit while we unpacked some of the things she had brought up for us. My mum is really quite skilled at sewing, so for as long as I can remember, I've gone to her for anything sewing related! Given my affinity for fashion design, I've had my mum's help with sewing on many, many occasions! 

Preview! Can't give away the whole
look before the big day!

The project my mum came all the way to Ottawa for was particularly special, since it has to do with my bridal outfit for next Friday! Rather than buy a pre-made bridal belt, I wanted to do a DIY project and pick out the sash color and embellishments myself. I can do a few basic stitches, but without my mum and her sewing skills, I can honestly say, my bridal belt would never have turned out! Along with sewing my bridal belt, my mum also brought up my bridal skirt, which I am SO excited about! I ordered it online so I wasn't sure about how it would actually look in person, but I was not let down at all! 

Even though it was only a short visit (mum left at 2 pm to drive back to Kingston), it was a really lovely way to spend the morning! I love that we live fairly close to both my parents and Ryan's parents, but it's still such a treat when we actually get the chance to spend time together! Getting my bridal outfit ready with my mum was really special to me and I am so happy we were able to do it together! 

Guest Blogger: Martha Read-Gray on 'Mom Coping Tips'

I am very excited to be able to feature a post from a very wonderful, wise, and inspirational woman..who also happens to be my mother! So without further adieu, here it is:

Author of today's feature article:
Martha Read-Gray

I've been asked more than once to share any of my 'Mom Coping Tips', so this guest blog is in response to that request.

First of all, it's hard. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  I'm reminded of the line burned on my brain from a prenatal book I read when my first baby was preparing to come into the world, "the only way out of it, is through it".  Since that's true, it's important that you enjoy the journey as much as possible.  So although many suggestions out there will suggest you load up on all sorts of 'distractions' to help you cope with your baby leaving home, it is important to realize that they are exactly that, distractions. They don't solve those quiet moments in the still of the night when you can't sleep for worrying.  What can you do then?

Ever since the cord was cut, your children have been developing outside of you, beyond you. This is natural. This is normal. Hopefully, you have let your children go away to camp, travel without you, or at least be away overnight. Then you did all the planning.

As your child prepares to go away on a gap year or away to post-secondary education, allow them to plan the details, organize themselves and their gear, and assist with getting them there or to the airport or station. There is nothing wrong with taking them to their post-secondary destination to see their dorm room, but don't stay too long so they can switch gears and settle in to their new locale and environment.

One of the biggest realizations I have had is that I can't control everything, even though as a nurturing parent that is my inclination. I've played a key role in laying the foundation of their emotional, intellectual and spiritual maturation, but there comes a point when they need to continue growth through their own self direction and experience away from home. I eventually relinquished power, and let them take control of their own lives because otherwise I would have gone 'crazy'. I balanced the texts, phone calls, fb messages, and skype-ing. What I've learned was to not be offended if they wanted more space at times, and I wouldn't let them be offended if I wanted some space either.

Sometimes it has seemed like nothing was going right, like my balance was out of whack. Sometimes, I just wanted to cry I missed them so much. I have learned to accept those feelings, and let them wash over me. Besides, I literally couldn't cry forever. So I found it's better to 'let it rip; snot and all'! I found my kids have bouts of homesickness. To offset those feelings though, I tried doing what my own Mum always did, which is I've planned for when we would be together again for a visit. Planning ahead changes both our outlooks to excited anticipation.  We had something to look forward to because we've missed each other.

I learned I didn't need to know everything. After all, we certainly didn't share everything with our kids as they were growing up. I realized that being close doesn't mean being enmeshed. I am learning to accept I will not be included, nor should I, in every minute detail of my children's maturing lives. We are both entitled to privacy. I let them share information. Sometimes they share precious little, but that's okay. Other times, it feels like way too much.  There are things my kids have told me, that I just didn't want to know. They are starting to do adult things. It's very important to know who my children's friends are and their contact information. My children know our friends, so I do think it is important to have met and know their friends. However, their friends are not my friends.

I've learned that I need to spare them guilt. Unintentionally, I've guilted my children into coming home and visiting or skype-ing on my schedule. I know I feel guilty if they want something, especially when I just can't give it. However, we're working on the concept that we're becoming adults. Understand that when people have lives, their time and space must be respected. Foisting guilt is unproductive, and ultimately a seed for resentment, so I'd avoid the whole 'guilt' scenario as much as possible.

I talk to my partner, he helps a lot. I don't think either of us could see a day through without the love, support, and wise counsel of the each other.  It is important to have the support of an adult someone.

I'm learning to trust my children to make good decisions.  Our fears can get the better of us, and they can preoccupy us with 'what ifs?'. If they do make an unfortunate decision, as we all do from time to time, they will learn from it, and they know we'll be there for them.  Things can unravel and they need us to assist them from time to time. With trust, this is now the exception, not the rule. Trust in themselves builds self confidence, which everyone needs to survive in this world. I've had to face the reality that I won't live forever and will not always be there to rescue them.  We're passing the control to them. I see how investing them with our trust has empowered them. Ultimately, we want to better be able to continue our life's journeys together, side by side, as adults, so they can continue their journey beyond our time.

Mother's Day Gift Ideas

Mother's Day is officially only a week away! If you haven't put much thought into how you'll be showing your appreciation for mom yet, now would be a good time to start!

No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and 

majesty of a mother’s love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star. ~Edwin Hubbell Chapin

 I am very lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my mother and I am incredibly thankful for her constant love and support everyday. Looking back, I regret that it took me so long to understand how incredibly special she is to me and just how much I respect and admire her. I'll be the first to admit that I was by no means an "easy" child to raise. I was incredibly demanding, had a quick temper, and an insatiable curiosity that meant I needed a lot of supervision! Yet despite everything, I knew I could always count on my mother to look after me when I was sick, give me advice when I felt like no one else understood me, and love me no matter how many times I messed up. To this day, I am still in awe of how she managed (scratch that- still manages!) to look after me, run a household, have a career, and still have a fulfilling life! 

I've told her this many times now, but I sincerely hope that when it comes time for me to become a mother, I'll be able to do it with as much love and grace as she does. 

Whether you're on great terms, or things are a bit shaky right now, it's incredibly important to show your appreciation for the woman who brought you into the world and raised you. It doesn't have to be big or flashy, but as long as it comes from the heart, I'm sure it will be appreciated!

When it comes to gifts for mom, I tend to either go with DIY (Do-It-Yourself) projects, or gifts that are indulgent and relaxing. The DIY route can be more budget-friendly, but you have to be prepared to put in the time required to actually complete the project. 

Here are a few Mother's Day gift ideas to get you started:

* DIY Heart-shaped tea bags

* Framed photo of you and mom

* Scented candle or perfume

* Spa package (at home or in salon) 

* Afternoon Tea (when I lived in Vancouver, The Secret Garden was my favorite place to go!

* Lotions (the Pear & Pink Magnolia collection from Crabtree & Evelyn smells amazing!) 

* Customized jewelry (I really like the custom bracelets from Etsy. You can feature both of your birthstones for a meaningful touch) 

If you're short on time, or you just can't think of something original, it's always a good idea to at the very least, give (or make) a card. You can always up the ante by pairing it with flowers, which add a pretty and fragrant touch! 

Happy Mother's Day to all!